Wednesday, May 1, 2013


I feel trapped inside something I can't even beginning to explain.
It's hot and it's cold.
It's too fast and its mind numbingly slow.
It's painful but I feel so numb.

I feel the world withdrawing or is it me?
I am trying my best but my best isn't what it used to be.
Everyone is busy rushing around.
Rushing around makes me feel worse.

I try and cover up how I am feeling but then you say I am doing fine.
I appear to cope so well.
You don't know me.

I cry because the pain is unbearable.
I cry because I have lost sense of who I am.
I cry because I feel void and empty.
I cry because I feel alone in this.

But then I can't cry anymore because it all feels pointless and stupid.
Everything feels vain and empty.
The only thing running through my head is a big fat 'LIFE IS MEANINGLESS'

How can my life be to get up and just make it through another day of pain and agony.
To do enough that other people think everything is okay.
To cope enough.
What the hell is enough???

Right now I just need something and I don't know what.

Yes I know everyone has a lot to deal with.
I know people are coping with their own lot in life.
I know people are enjoying their happiness and their sorrow.
Don't take this the wrong way.
This is in no way directed at anyone.
This is my venting space.
This is the one thing that may keep me focused for today.


  1. Jess.... There is light at the end of the tunnel....Remember Liz Toanikere, Tia's wife? She too suffers from the same condition...But after a time of "adjusting" to the prognosis, she leads a life that is way betterthan a few years ago...She told me that she now manages fybromalgia...She recognizes the symptoms that announce terrible days if she does not stop and put things on pause.... She hasn't had migraines for years. Yes, she does not have children and can somewhat put her feet up when she feels another bout knocking on her door...but she is doing soooo much better... You will get better luvey, ther is light at the end of the tunnel. just one feet after will get there...XXOXX
    Robin GREEN.

  2. Hi Jess, I'm really sorry to hear of your life challenges.
    I have my own understandings of the 'label', depression having grown up with Mum's challenges and having lived with someone for the last 15yrs having periodic severe clinical depression.
    Our inner-wounding, the scars on our psyche, our childhood trauma,our crippled self-esteem, all present or manifest in our level of well-being and sense of who we are..and in our physiological and psychological ailments, sometimes called the 'body-mind'.
    How we are able to survive, manage and heal these multiple challenges seems to be our journey, even our path. I believe we need to be; incredibly gentle with ourselves, to hold ourselves in the arms of our own love so that the emanating 'Light' shines a way;to be softly but truly honest, firstly with ourselves and then, those around us; to find ways {and I know you do this], of sharing our pain and struggle; to never forget how much we are loved and cherished by others even if, in the darkness of despair, we cannot feel it; to always have someone to call on for help if it feels like all hope is fading, someone you trust and love or respect, who can take your hand and 'walk' a while with you, who knows and understands the processes of intervention and recovery; to find the therapist/therapy that speaks to your heart, your pain, and commit to focus on this as a way of giving to you your own love and the tools and the gift of healing you so deserve.
    I hope this may be of some help to you Jess.
    In love, trust and unflinching hope..


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