Monday, February 20, 2012

Who Am I?

Sourced -
I stalk you silently, awaiting my moment to slip in.
I am no discriminator of persons.
I may choose to slowly and methodically undo your life,
Or I may come armed; ready for a violent attack.

You may recognise me, you may not.
There is no telling how many times I may invade your private thoughts.
I see and hear everything you think and do.
I loudly offer my opinion.

I will lock you away, helping you hide from the outside world.
I will cause you panic and terror.
I can make you hear and see things others don't.
I can make you someone you never were.

Sourced -
I can make you feel lost and useless,
Powerless and fragile,
Jumpy and shaky,
Sick to your stomach.

I have the ability to isolate you.
To numb you.
To shut you off from everyone you care about.
To make you feel nothing.

I will find our weakest point and attack.
I can make you eat, or I can make you refuse to.
I will find every once of self confidence you have and kick it in the guts.
I will make you a shadow of who you were.

Sourced -
I can make you angry and filled with rage.
I can make you sad, lonely, terrified.
I can make you feel nothing.
Feeling and being nothing is my best weapon.

I am happy to destroy your life and everyone who is in it.
I will sit on your shoulder throughout every conversation.
Letting you know how they really feel about you.
I will help you see my truth.

I can make you cry, unstoppably.
I can make you laugh, insanely.
I can make you rock in a corner.
I can make you hurt yourself.

Sourced -
I can make life too hard to bear.
I can help you find a better way.
I can take you to a place where no one will hurt you again.
I can help you feel.

I will teach you how to be critical and judgmental.
I will show you all the things you need to improve on.
I will hi-light your failures,
And remind you of your past.

Sourced -
Nothing you do can choose me.
I choose you.
It may be circumstance.
It may be genetic make up.

I am here to destroy your life.
To break you and everything you thought you loved.
I am on a mission of pain and hurt.
I will take you down.

I am the monkey on your back,
I am the black dog,
I am the uninvited guest,
I am the stalker in the shadows.

I am Depression.

Sourced -

If you have been lucky enough to have not met this dark predator you may not know what I am talking about. Although the statistics now say one in five people experience depression, many still do not talk about it. It is a rough journey that may be a once off, or for many lasts a life time; ebbing and flowing with the waves of life.

There is help and there is far more awareness than ever before about depression but it doesn't make it an easier to survive. Some people find there triggers and are able to stop themselves being fully launched back to the place they have been. Others return there many times.

Some people find help in medication, some in talking, some in writing, some in alternative therapy, some in God. Some people find that what worked last time may never work again and the search for peace is never ending.

I know this pain from personal experience and I know everybody has a different journey, a different path, a different story. No one will ever fully understand your pain and burden but there are people who will try. There are people who will listen when you need to talk. People who will cry for you when you are emotional shutdown. People who will sit and hold your hand when you can't say anything at all. People who will hold you in their thoughts and prayers when they feel powerless to know what to do.

So from my lemon day may some one find lemonade because at the moment all I can taste is bitter and sour. We all have our good days, and our bad. Sometimes there is just that evil mother father depression giving an extra helping hand.

Just know you aren't alone, something I have to remind myself of more often than I thought possible. Know that when there is no one there, God is always listening and He is pretty good at it.


  1. He is really good at it. :-) Thinking of you, thanks for sharing. xx

  2. Oh Jess, I hear you! I'm a 14 year survivor and definately some days/weeks/months have been darker than others. Stay strong! I'm your newest follower and want to hang around to see the bitter turn to sweet.

    Lien. xx

  3. Hi, just checking in to see how you are. How are you?


  4. I admire your courage, your honesty, your strength
    Your insight and struggle forged in the bowels of darkness
    And I honour you, this beam of light, warmed by the infinite source
    Shining hope born from resolve
    To acknowledge what has been given, sacred and pure
    And we give thanks we have been given you...
    Gra X


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